| OVERWHELMED | Is there a better word to replace it? What about EXTREMELY OVERWHELMED? That is the feeling I had today, on my b'day, my 19th b'day. If there is anything that I will ever forget, today, October 30 2008, will be the last thing to go kaput from my mind. How do you express yourself? Being 19, your college friends, important to note that they are all young ladies, beautiful young ladies in fact, standing in front of your house gate, singing a b'day song, holding a cake, greeting you with a smile... and you on the other hand, had no such thought of celebrating your b'day at all, partly naked, trying your hardest to meet your assignment dateline. I am out of words actually. Speechless in fact...
How do you deal with such situation? To be honest, I am touched. Truly touched. It made me realize that having friends is the best thing you can ask for in life. All this while, I have to confess that my close to 2 years in college, I have never been in any "groups". I mix and befriend everyone in college which makes me feel that I don't belong anywhere. As a matter of fact, I feel lonely. Well tonight really changed my whole perception about my life. My plain and dull, can I say boring fashion/clothes I wear in college, its always a pair of jeans and a T-shirt that doesn't makes me stand out among the crowds. My nerdish look with that orange-colored frame spectacles, I am always perceived as a book worm, and again, plain, dull and boring. I have to thank God, for God's gift of knowledge to me was the only defense I have again such society. Well, I live my life my way... as always I was never a trend setter but neither was I a conformist to what is generally accepted.
I thank God tonight. This seldom and rarely happens to me. I wouldn't feel ashamed if I did say that I almost cried because the real fact is I almost cried. There is nothing wrong with a guy my age crying. Any guys who are not moved by such stunt, singing loudly in front of your house gate, wishing you Happy Birthday, I mean are they such people in this world? They must have a heart made of stone, they are probably too cool, icing cool in fact. I know I am being very expressive now, very emotional involved, but learn to accept this. This is the normal CK. A CK that talk nonsense all the time, and I would be lucky if you guys understand half the thing I wrote here.
I am very blessed. My b'day wish actually materialize. I actually did for once in my 19 years, celebrated my b'day with a group of friends. I enjoyed their company. And just for that little extra, those who planned it, I am amazed. To pull such trick on me, to actually try to make my day special, I will not hesitate if I have to take a bullet for them. Going back to those who did came and made my day special, that very person, in a green tee, you're simply amazing, truly mesmerizing, absolutely captivating and purely fascinating. You deserve it. In fact I did told one of my friend, when you were in the computer lab, I couldn't see anyone but you; you were there on a white shirt and that is even before I entered the lab. Okay, take it as joke but I am not blind. I can see things even though I need the help from a pair of spectacle. Say what you guys wanna say. I couldn't be bothered anymore.
Somehow, there is this deep feeling of regret in me. Why didn't I notice her earlier? Knowing that this could very well be my final b'day that we can celebrate together, I don't know how I can face that very day, the day she is leaving to pursuit her dreams. I am not a self-centred guy. I will never hold back someone, even if she means everything, even if she meant the world to me. That would never be called love. That is being unfair to everyone. Have you ever thought that if she has the same feeling? Does she wanna stay, obviously not. I mean I have no right to hold her back just because I couldn't get there. Sigh, I am ... I ... I admit, if you ever need to feel how does it feel like to love someone, you only need one girl and just once and it is more than enough for a lifetime and that very girl i meant, is definitely her. You will always have that very special place in my heart. Just so you know, if this is fake, then nothing is real.
Throwing such surprises for me tonight, I did once joke that I may suffer a heart attack and pass out. Well, seems like instead of me fainting, it has affected me emotionally and psychologically which leads me to blog about this. I am a changed man after tonight. Tonight, I made a vow, to always continue to be who I am, who I want to be, and to just stay original being CK. I don't have to change the way I talk, the way I socialize just to fit into the society. My friends showed me proof tonight. Anyway, fear not, for there is always tomorrow. Tomorrow, an adventure for four of my lucky friends, three friends and one which I regard as more than friend. I wouldn't know if you are reading this, but if you are, I do believe you know my feelings for you. And... a big surprise is heading your way to. So just be prepared......
How do you deal with such situation? To be honest, I am touched. Truly touched. It made me realize that having friends is the best thing you can ask for in life. All this while, I have to confess that my close to 2 years in college, I have never been in any "groups". I mix and befriend everyone in college which makes me feel that I don't belong anywhere. As a matter of fact, I feel lonely. Well tonight really changed my whole perception about my life. My plain and dull, can I say boring fashion/clothes I wear in college, its always a pair of jeans and a T-shirt that doesn't makes me stand out among the crowds. My nerdish look with that orange-colored frame spectacles, I am always perceived as a book worm, and again, plain, dull and boring. I have to thank God, for God's gift of knowledge to me was the only defense I have again such society. Well, I live my life my way... as always I was never a trend setter but neither was I a conformist to what is generally accepted.
I thank God tonight. This seldom and rarely happens to me. I wouldn't feel ashamed if I did say that I almost cried because the real fact is I almost cried. There is nothing wrong with a guy my age crying. Any guys who are not moved by such stunt, singing loudly in front of your house gate, wishing you Happy Birthday, I mean are they such people in this world? They must have a heart made of stone, they are probably too cool, icing cool in fact. I know I am being very expressive now, very emotional involved, but learn to accept this. This is the normal CK. A CK that talk nonsense all the time, and I would be lucky if you guys understand half the thing I wrote here.
I am very blessed. My b'day wish actually materialize. I actually did for once in my 19 years, celebrated my b'day with a group of friends. I enjoyed their company. And just for that little extra, those who planned it, I am amazed. To pull such trick on me, to actually try to make my day special, I will not hesitate if I have to take a bullet for them. Going back to those who did came and made my day special, that very person, in a green tee, you're simply amazing, truly mesmerizing, absolutely captivating and purely fascinating. You deserve it. In fact I did told one of my friend, when you were in the computer lab, I couldn't see anyone but you; you were there on a white shirt and that is even before I entered the lab. Okay, take it as joke but I am not blind. I can see things even though I need the help from a pair of spectacle. Say what you guys wanna say. I couldn't be bothered anymore.
Somehow, there is this deep feeling of regret in me. Why didn't I notice her earlier? Knowing that this could very well be my final b'day that we can celebrate together, I don't know how I can face that very day, the day she is leaving to pursuit her dreams. I am not a self-centred guy. I will never hold back someone, even if she means everything, even if she meant the world to me. That would never be called love. That is being unfair to everyone. Have you ever thought that if she has the same feeling? Does she wanna stay, obviously not. I mean I have no right to hold her back just because I couldn't get there. Sigh, I am ... I ... I admit, if you ever need to feel how does it feel like to love someone, you only need one girl and just once and it is more than enough for a lifetime and that very girl i meant, is definitely her. You will always have that very special place in my heart. Just so you know, if this is fake, then nothing is real.
Throwing such surprises for me tonight, I did once joke that I may suffer a heart attack and pass out. Well, seems like instead of me fainting, it has affected me emotionally and psychologically which leads me to blog about this. I am a changed man after tonight. Tonight, I made a vow, to always continue to be who I am, who I want to be, and to just stay original being CK. I don't have to change the way I talk, the way I socialize just to fit into the society. My friends showed me proof tonight. Anyway, fear not, for there is always tomorrow. Tomorrow, an adventure for four of my lucky friends, three friends and one which I regard as more than friend. I wouldn't know if you are reading this, but if you are, I do believe you know my feelings for you. And... a big surprise is heading your way to. So just be prepared......
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