I had a presentation today. It's for the subject of Data and Computer Communication. Hmm... it went on pretty well; I mean my group presented quite well. Anyway, I think I owe my group members an apology for being a control and power freak... taking control of the presentation most of the time. Sorry. Guess I was too much, am always pursuing perfection.

I submit to my defeat. My group presented quite well but it was not the best. There was another group who did better than us but I think I am satisfied and contented with our achievement. Hmm... some people was posing a lot of questions to me, I admit I was panic but I managed to conceal it. Hehehe... But I respect her. She was taking charge of her group, leading them pretty well... a girl full of caliber I should say.

Fate. Hahaha... that is why they say, "mess with the best, die like the rest". I did not show any interest on any of the presentation presented today except one. I did not pose any question to any group except one. Hmm... why that one group? Mix with the wrong person, and sad to say you are going to be affected as well. To the last group, to 4 ladies... no hard feelings but I wasn't going against you guys. Its just one girl there. Hmm... Hahahaha... She did nothing, she didn't step on my tail, she just... haiya, she deserves it. Mind you, I can be silent as a lamb in a presentation, but once I open up my mouth and start posing questions, I will make sure that you are unable to answer it. Full stop.

2 more weeks before the end of a semester and what a semester it is. Had lots of fun, learned lots of things,... definitely lots of conflicts... but nothing beats the joy of doing well for the subjects. I hope I am able to maintain my academic performance... need to achieve a 4.0 this sem. I must and I will... wish me luck

Keri Hilson's song by the title of "Energy" tops my list for this week. This is the song for the week. Enjoy.

CK, the one who has it all but nothing at all. Judging by my first line, you'd probably guess it out that this is going to be yet another emo post by CK. Well, you guessed right. To be honest, I shouldn't be at home, online and blogging now. I was suppose to be out with a group of my friends. The initial plan was to get ourselves a bottle of liquor and probably get drunk before midnight. LOL. Anyway, I think you'd know by now that I didn't follow them. I confess, I wanted to go and I actually drove to college(how often do I drive), and I actually brought along my chillbox inside the trunk but a split second was all it took for me to change my mind.

So what was it that actually change my mind? Why did I change my mind? I don't think I would want to answer the questions here. All I can say is, I may "seem" happy at times, but I am definitely not near happy at all. Why did I laughed and joked about that matter? You'd probably mistaken me and thought that I feel that it was fun. Well, it's not fun to me. I thought that it would have created at least the slightest provocation but sad to say, I am wrong yet again. You were neutral maybe positive and happy. Hmm... I am out of words, I don't know what to say anymore.

CK, the one who has it all yet none to share with. Do you know what I feel? Well, the best things in life are free and the best things in life are definitely meant to be shared. I mean come on, you can't live a life being so self-centred and stingy. Back to me. I have a house to stay in, I have a car to drive, I have 3 motorcycles and I am definitely not in debt. I have sufficient cash to sustain my expenses, sufficient attention from my family members and definitely all the unnecessary attention I get from college. Wait. Something is not right. Something is missing from this ideal, close to perfect picture. What is it that I don't have? What is missing from my life? Geez... I am a very complicated guy. Blogging about something so deep, something a typical 20 years old teenager would never understand or thought of. Guess what, I am a weirdo.

Sigh, sigh, sigh... that is what I can do. I showed my interest, I place forward my intention... and what is the last thing that I would expect from you is a cool treatment. Whoa... is there a need? I have done nothing wrong okay. It's starting to get really really weird. Anyhow, I choose to ignore it. Typical CK, the great pretender... did anything happened? NO. If your response is negative, I would understand and respect you. No worries here. But seriously, one question that I don't even have the answer to. How sure are you things wouldn't work out? I am not sure myself that things will work out. God knows...

Sorry to say this to someone.
If what my friend told me is true,
If what we guessed prove to be genuine,
Then sorry is all I can say to you.
I don't know what is it that you see in me but whatever it is,
I do hope that the other two sees it.
If there's one whom I am so crazy about, its the other.
If there's one whom I so not over with, its another.
I am not perfect.
I fail to see that...
I may be choosing, but so are others.
I may make people as options but me myself is an option.
If there is one advice that I could still remember from one of my true friends...

"DON'T PRIORITIZE THOSE WHO TREATS YOU AS AN OPTION"

Hey guys... what day is today...? Well, it's Valentine's day. LOL. Sad to say this, but to all singles on Valentine's day out there, it is the end of the world lo.... hahahaha... Just joking. Nah, all hopes are not lost yet. No point rushing into a relationship if there is not gonna be any outcome. Take your time, an advice for myself too...

So the song the week and today being Valentine's day, it has got to be a love song la... hahaha. Not an emo song. The title is "I finally found someone" by Bryan Adams and Barbra Streisand. This song goes out to all the happy couples enjoying candlelight dinner as I blog now. Happy Valentine's day everyone.

I finally found someone, who knocks me off my feet,
I finally found the one, who makes me feel complete.

It started over coffee,
We started off as friends,
Its funny how from simple things,
The best things begin.

This time its different, (nah nah nah nah)
Its all because of you, (nah nah nah nah)
Its better than its ever been,
Cause we can talk it through...

My favorite line,
Was can i call you sometime?
Its all you had to say,
To take my breath away.

Chorus:

This is it,
Oh i finally found someone,
Someone to share my life, i finally found the one,
To be with everynight
Cause whatever i do, its just got to be you
My life has just begun, i finally found someone

Did i keep you waiting? i didn't mind.
I apologize. Baby thats fine.
I will wait forever just to know you were mine.
You know i love your hair, are you sure it looks right?
I love what you wear, isnt it too tight?
Your exceptional, i cant wait for the rest of my life...

Repeat Chorus

Cause whatever i do, its just got to be you
Oh my life has just begun...i finally found...someone.

Exam week has come and gone. Pass or fail, the verdict is still yet to be known. I for one will wait anxiously to know what my result is. I am interested to know how well (or how bad) I did for the exam. For the meantime, I shall be optimistic...

Tiring...

Exam week. Yet again, I am shown the bad side of human. This time, I saw how self centered and stingy one can be. Maybe I am on the demanding side instead of the providing side. A change of roles? Could be. I don't know. All I know is that its been continuous for 38 hours since I last slept. Why? Don't and never ask why. I don't know.

Sigh...

Like a moth to a flame, thus hath the candle sing'd the moath. I am irresistibly and dangerously attracted to something or someone.

Argh!!!!!

This song reflects on my life in college. My story can't be more accurately told except listening to this song and understanding its lyrics.



xiang yong yi bei latte ba ni guan zui
Felt like making you drunk with a cup of latte
hao rang ni neng duo ai wo yi dian
To make you love me a bit more
an lian de zi wei
The taste of unrequited love
ni bu dong zhe zhong gan jue
You won’t understand this feeling
zao you ren pei de ni yong yuan bu hui
From the beginning there’s already someone with you
kan jian ni he ta zai wo mian qian
Seeing you and him in front of me
zheng ming wo de ai zhi shi yu mei
Proved that my love is only ignorant
ni bu dong wo de na xie qiao cui
You don’t understand my sorrow
shi ni yong yuan bu ceng guo de ti hui
It’s something you will never experience
wei ni fu chu na zhong shang xin ni yong yuan bu liao jie
The pain that I go through for you you’ll never understand
wo you he ku mian qiang zi ji ai shang ni de yi qie
Why should I force myself to love everything about you
ni you hen hen bi tui wo de fang bei
While you persistently compel my defence
jing jing guan shang men lai mo shu wo de lei
Silently counting my own tears behind closed doors
ming zhi dao rang ni li kai ta de shi jie bu ke neng hui
I actually knew that making you leave his world would be impossible
wo hai sha sha deng dao qi ji chu xian de na yi tian
But I am still waiting foolishly for a miracle to appear one day
zhi dao na yi tian ni hui fa xian
Until that day you’ll realize
zhen zheng ai ni de ren du zi shou zhe shang bei
The one who really loved you suffered alone

kan jian ni he ta zai wo mian qian
Seeing you and him in front of me
zheng ming wo de ai zhi shi yu mei
Proved that my love is only ignorant
ni bu dong wo de na xie qiao cui
You don’t understand my sorrow
shi ni yong yuan bu ceng guo de ti hui
It’s something you will never experience
ming zhi dao rang ni li kai ta de shi jie bu ke neng hui
I actually knew that making you leave his world would be impossible
wo hai sha sha deng dao qi ji chu xian de na yi tian
But I am still waiting foolishly for a miracle to appear one day
zhi dao na yi tian ni hui fa xian
Until that day you’ll realize
zhen zheng ai ni de ren du zi shou zhe shang bei
The one who really loved you suffered alone
ceng jing wo yi wei wo zi ji hui hou hui
I thought I would regret
bu xiang ai de tai duo chi xin jue dui
Don’t wanna love too deep,surely infatuated
wei ni luo di yi di lei
The first tear that fell for you
wei ni zuo ren he gai bian
The changes in myself that are made for you
ye huan bu hui ni dui wo de jian jue
Can’t call back your firmness towards me

wei ni fu chu na zhong shang xin ni yong yuan bu liao jie
The pain that I go through for you you’ll never understand
wo you he ku mian qiang zi ji ai shang ni de yi qie
Why should I force myself to love everything about you
ni you hen hen bi tui wo de fang bei
While you persistently compel my defence
jing jing guan shang men lai mo shu wo de lei
Silently counting my own tears behind closed doors
ming zhi dao rang ni li kai ta de shi jie bu ke neng hui
I actually knew that making you leave his world would be impossible
wo hai sha sha deng dao qi ji chu xian de na yi tian
But I am still waiting foolishly for a miracle to appear one day
zhi dao na yi tian ni hui fa xian
Until that day you’ll realize
zhen zheng ai ni de ren du zi shou zhe shang bei
The one who really loved you suffered alone
zhi dao na yi tian ni hui fa xian
Until that day you’ll realize
zhen zheng ai ni de ren du zi shou zhe shang bei
The one who really loved you suffered alone

I just learnt the best lesson in life that I think I won't forget for the rest of my life. What is the most dangerous and sabotaging thing that you can do to yourself? You'll probably think cutting your own wrist, drinking poison or maybe just dash out into the middle of a busy street. Guess what? You're wrong. The most dangerous and sabotaging thing you can do to yourself is being curious and you start to ask the question "why". Now I understand the reason why people refuses to ask questions even if they don't know, even if they are left in the dark. I think they feel that it is best to be left in the dark. Sometimes, asking the question "why" gives you the ugliest, hard to swallow fact that you either can't face or choose to avoid.

Well, how does it feel like to give up even before you try? At least if you tried, you tasted the bitterness ... then you give up. And now, being slap with facts... you are left with no options but to either forget trying or fail in trying. Well, I think I've had enough. Enough failures in life. I am not sure if I can take another blow. I will just blame it on luck, fate and TIMING. Exactly like those words mentioned in the lyrics from the song by Whitney Houston and George Michael, "If you think that we'll lose what we have, Then I'd just rather stay (rather stay) the same". The gamble is just too big for me. As usual, I am in over my head.

Just so you know, if I had chosen to proceed trying... I wouldn't at all mind sacrificing my all for you. I don't care what it takes; let's keep it short and simple... I will try my best and persevere to gain your love at all cost. But knowing what the result might be, knowing how you would respond and react, it just scares me to think of all these. I don't want my sacrifices to be worthless. Enough. All this time, my efforts just go un-notice. Enough. I can't take it anymore. Here, if you knew that no matter how hard you try, how bad you want it to happen... you'll just end up being that small unsignificant guy in her heart... then would you even try? Would you even bother to try? I think I have been stupid countless of times; I am a good guy... but I am just not that noble or stupid to try.

A new song for this week. Its performed by DSDS (Deutschland sucht den Superstar). The title of the song, Cry On My Shoulder. At first, this song was suppose to be dedicated to her. What irony... I will just self dedicate this to myself. I think I will need it more than she does.

If you start to suspect or feel that the feelings or affections for you has started to fade, then I just have to be cruel and say its faded. Well, feelings and affections... if its from me, it just doesn't fade that easily. I forced it to fade. I have said it and I am saying it again, I have just got to be cruel. I LOVE you too much... I just can't lose you... But I don't want to be the one who begins to weep and cry. I don't wanna be stupid. I can't wait for reality to struck me in the face then only I wake up. I have to wake up now. Sooner or later, I have to. Why now? TIME. It takes time. How? Its not easy and I don't even know how. I'm praying that it will just be over soon. Nevertheless, you will always have that special place in my heart and don't you ever doubt that. If I had the chance, I won't do this. This is not me. This is not CK. I wish I have the chance yet sad to say, I am under privileged. It's not something which I asked for, it is just my life... my fate... that I won't be able to fly. I am happy you are flying. The future that lies ahead of you... nothing is worth for you to look back and reminisce about the past. Well, I wish you luck. Guess I just not good enough for you... You just deserve better. I hope you can understand me. I am not a normal typical guy. For God's sake, I wasn't born with a good memory and being observant of fine specific details for nothing. If its for something, its for remembering you probably for the rest of my life, not forgetting those times we spent together even though we were just friends. Anyway, why am I even writing this. I am just being stupid again.

Something else. I am not doing anything but I know that even if I try, all my efforts will just go un-notice. Who am I? I am nobody. I would trade my life for something else if I could. Forgive me God for being so discontented with my life. I just can't help it. I always chasing after something that I won't reach. I am always in over my head. Hell, I am always emo.

My friend just mentioned something to me. She was somehow facing a similar problem. She asked me, why is it that the ones I want doesn't come to me but the ones I never thought of came to me? I couldn't answer her for I am facing the same situation. Now I ask you guys. Does anyone has an answer?

Well, I guess that's it. I am feeling much better now after blasting it all out. Perhaps I should just move on with life without thinking much. Sigh... how easy is that if you can't shake off something that was with you, in you for quite sometime. Someone has just got to listen to Whitney Houston and George Michael - If I Told You That.

(if I told you that) I wanted to see you
(and if I told you that) I beg to please you
(if I told you that) Ill always keep you
What would you say (if I told you that)

Now tell me how you feel if I told
You that I had feelings for you
And would it be so wrong to say
Whats on my mind
I'm sorry I have to
We were friends but with time
What I feel inside for you has changed
But Id give up on love, if I thought
That it was untrue for you

(if I told you that) I wanted to see you
(and if I told you that) I beg to please you
(if I told you that) Ill always keep you
What would you say (if I told you that)

I know that we were just friends
But what if I decide to bring somethings in
I hope it wont offend the trust
We have cause I dont want this to end
I you think that well lose what we have
Then Id just rather stay (rather stay) the same
(Id rather stay the same)
Cause I dont wanna choose
Between two of the most precious things to me
(tell me)

(if I told you that) I wanted to see you
(and if I told you that) I beg to please you
(if I told you that) Ill always keep you
What would you say (if I told you that)

If we take this chance and extend
To each other romance
I hope it would be
The right thing for you and me

(if I told you that) I wanted to see you
(and if I told you that) I beg to please you
(if I told you that) Ill always keep you
What would you say (if I told you that)

Would you be there for me
Could you dare to hold me
Will my feelings leave me
Lonely if I told you

I think I know human well. Yet, I have not seen the best... or the worst a human can be. Sounds familiar to you? Well, I have said this once and I am saying it again but there is a reason behind it. Last night, I encounter another scenario where I just don't understand guys or even girls. Human, they are the toughest subject one can study in this planet. I wonder what shapes them to act in such a way and not the other, which seems to me to be more preferable. Why oh why? Maybe I am just different from them since I am the only one who feels that way.

Coming back to the story, last night... I received a call from a friend asking me out to Coffee Island. Hmm... I was kinda (maybe I was) tired but yet I didn't know what made me agreed to go out late at night. Maybe she mentioned that someone was there, and the moment I heard that particular person's name, I just say YES. I don't know... I'm saying its maybe... so it could be... or probably it is. So reaching there, I went to another table first. In fact, I didn't really joined the people who asked me out. I was actually sitting with my other group of friends. And there is where the story begins...

We have this one guy, who thinks he knows it all and yet he never succeed. Let us call him A. Then we have this naive girl, who seems mature but she is not even close to that stage at all. Let us call her Z. Then we have the superstar, a guy who thinks that he is good and the fact is, he is good. He is X. You'd probably wonder what is X good in. Well, he is definitely good in something which I am a total noob. You go figure that out.

So they were playing cards and after awhile we got bored. Then we begin chatting. Interesting topic, me. How I fail? Why I fail? What should I do? and all those typical stuff one will advice his friend when it comes to matters concerning chasing after girls. Hmm... well, certain things they said is true. I can't never doubt nor judge that. It is a fact. Certain things that they suggested to me, that... I can do it but I just choose not to do it. At least I feel I am human not doing it. Come on, what X said was pretty clear-cut. It is all the girl's decision. You can chase after her, flood her with gifts and money, stick with her 24/7, sms and phone calls 24/7... but if she doesn't choose you, it means she doesn't choose you and that's it. Full stop...

The following scenario was the thing that caught my attention and interest. X. X receives a phone call. He receives a phone call from his girlfriend or female friend, that I am not too sure. So, first thing he said when he picked up the call was "hami ... .. .. ". The call continues. He provoked her asking her if she was sleeping with someone else. Call continues. Sigh... All the words uttered to the girl on the other side of the phone call was just unpleasant to the ear. And the fact that the person on the line is actually a female makes it much more difficult for me to accept it. X even asked her to be "screwed" by someone else. What the hell is wrong with this world?

Now that is the part to which I will relate to my first statement on this post. How could X just utter such words to a female friend? How could the female friend accepted to be treated in such a manner? Weird thing is... according to some friends... the girl is actually attached to him. What does that girl see in him? Why does she still has feeling for him? Phoof... I just don't get all these. X was still pretty arrogant. Z was quiet. A was showing me, CK... "nah.. look at him, look at the way he speaks to the girl on the phone... it doesn't matter... the girl still likes him". I was like, okay... that is his business, that is him and it has nothing to do with me at all. Anyway, what was A trying to prove to me? Talking nicely to girl won't get you a girl but uttering vulgarity to them will actually get you girl? Again, what the hell is wrong with this world...

To be honest I envy someone. Its not A, its not Z and certainly its not X. No way that I'll have something to envy about X. In fact its someone else. I envy him. He has all the opportunity. He can make a girl go melancholy over him. And yet he ain't that good nor perfect himself... but the girl just deserves better. But no. NOPE. The answer is just NOPE. He just refuses to respond. He just wanna fool around. Well, I am being very very nosy here. Perhaps I just should have mind my own business. But... sad to say... I just couldn't. Why? I think I will just remain silent. Maybe when the time is right, I don't have to say it... you guys will notice it.

*I envy someone*
Jealousy Kills

Whoa... its been quite sometime since I last blog about me going fishing. Hmm... actually, I went fishing quite a number of times, its just that I am too lazy to blog about it. I choose to blog about something else (blog about nonsense); LOL. Anyway, I went fishing for prawns and angling last sunday. Our mission on this trip is to find the red snapper.

Another 30 minutes or so boat ride pass Pantai Kerachut, and we started laying down our nets to catch some prawns for baits. Well, we sure did caught some prawns for baits and maybe a bit extra. Hahaha... tiger prawn or whatever prawns you wanna call them. They are huge. I think they originate from those aquaculture farms, probably ran out from the nets.

Okay that was the fishing for prawns part. Now, we proceed to the angling part. Well, we are not those high tech, all for show anglers with super duper fishing reels and rod. Hahaha... LOL... All we used was just a reel of fishing line. That's it, just handline. Well, I have to say... dad got all the good fish. I always get the lousy catfish and crocker. LOL. Anyway, just me and him. We both had fun.

RM30.00 of petrol
10 hours under the blazing hot sun
1 hour boat ride to and fro
A whole chill box of prawns
Some groupers, some baby grouper
Red snapper
Mission accomplished.

Grouper. Not too small, hahaha...
I will go for a bigger one next time (wish me luck)

Red snapper. This is kinda small, but... what to do... still "ang cho"
Mission accomplished.
Next time, God... I want a 3.5kilo red snapper. (wish me luck)

Tiger prawns.
Hey, nasi kandar is gonna charge you RM5 for one of these prawns.
I eat for free, err... maybe not.

Price to pay: I am getting darker and darker ...
Lesson learned: Who gives a damn about how dark I look. I love fishing...