Hi guys, CK is back again and I think I have a few things to share with guys.

First and foremost, my bike almost broke down again. Almost but just not yet, hehehe. Sigh, just like old people, old bikes are also more prone to illness and diseases. Nonetheless, the difference is that bikes are just machines... a human life is much more valuable(like obviously, duh!!!). Anyway, talking about how my bike almost succumb to illness, it was all due to a small rubber O-ring on the radiator. The bike was leaking coolants all the way to the workshop. I was so afraid the bike might just stall mid-way or blown up into pieces, hahaha. Hmm... and I thought the repair would burn a hole in my pocket, luckily the mechanic just charged me RM10. Luckily; LOL.

The second thing is something I am not proud of. Last weekend was pretty messed up for me. I told myself that I just gotta keep my cool but somehow I lost it. Damn it!!! F@#% it anyway. Idiot deserves it. Who ask him to come asking for it. I did warn him not to provoke me again but he just didn't want to believe me. Fine. Now, he is paying for it; a swollen eye. LOL. Nevertheless, the issue is over. I don't wish to talk about the past no more. Let bygones be bygones.

The third thing is that I am pretty messed up myself. Hmm... a quote from Goo Goo Dolls song titled Name, "scars are souvenirs you never lose, the past is never far". Well, I agree with quote and it actually reflects on my real life, at least it reflects the situation now. Mind you, I am using the word "past", meaning it is the past, history. My past was never far. Anyhow, I gotta keep a distance unless I am left with no options. So far so good I can say.

The forth and maybe the most common thing is that, I am still counting. It has been close to 2 weeks and 5 days since I last met her face to face. I know why people call me dumb cause her house is just like maybe less than 5 KM from my house. Everyone said I can just drive over to her house. Well, I don't think they really understand. It's not the distance. It's not how far. Even if it is a matter of distance, I am pretty sure no one can measure it, for there is no metric unit for it.

Lastly, it's Christmas eve today. Wow, talking about how fast time flies. Another year is going to be over. Hmm... no Christmas wishes this year. Duh!!! let's be realistic. The world's economy is facing a recession now and our Santa is probably feeling the pinch too; LOL. Back to being serious, I think I am going to be pretty insane tonight, hehehe. That was how I celebrated it last year and considering that I am celebrating it the same way this time around, things wouldn't change that much. I will keep you guys informed of the progress. That's it for now... back to work...

I confess that I am a workaholic. For this holiday, I had actually applied for the lab assistant job in KDU and I was accepted. Hmm... I may not earn much from it, but I did learn a lot from the job. Well, I started the job on Tuesday morning, being my first day on the job it was something like of a training. I learned about how the login system works, how the queueserver printing system works and how to scan documents for students. I admit, the job is pretty boring but I guess I shouldn't complain too much.

There is another thing that I have to confess. I hate Maybank. Maybank sucks. Working with KDU, I was required to have an account in Maybank in order for them to bank in my salary for me. I didn't have one, so I was asked to open an account with Maybank. Okay, I had just learn about the psychology of waiting in Services Marketing class and I know why waiting will feel much longer than they actually is. Fine. Well, is 1.5 hours waiting long enough? I was asked to wait for my turn and there was only 2 customers who came before me. I am wondering why the bank workers need 1.5 hours to handle 2 customers. For God's sake, it's ONLY 2 customers. Why do they need 45 minutes for one customer? Anyway, its done. I don't wanna talk about it anymore.

Not done yet. I still have one thing to confess. I love my bike. I just love it so much. Hmm.. how fast can a 650cc V-Twin go? 1st gear at 8500rpm, it reaches 80km/h, shift up and you're engaged with the second gear which brings you up to 120km/h, shift up again and you will be exceeding the speed limit and you can feel the torque all across the rev. Extra info to share with you, reaching 100km/h just takes about 4 secs. Not joking here. It is my first time experiencing such a broad torque curve on any motorcycle. Suddenly, I feel that small bikes are really so underpowered. Anyway, the fastest I ever went with the bike is 160km/h and damn it's fast. However speed kills. Someone, anyone please constantly remind me that I will get myself killed if I don't stop this madness and addiction to speed.

OKAY. Maybe I have one last thing to confess. Sorry, I promise this is the last one.

I miss her. It is just so difficult. It has been like almost a week, seven days and a hundred and sixty eight hours since I last saw her face to face. I am starting to think that if a week has become a time period which is so long, how am I gonna cope with it when she leaves and it is real soon before she leaves. Hmm... how can one fall and fall so deep, a question I ask myself every single day before sleep. Jokes or not, she is the first thing I think of every morning and the last thing that I think of before I sleep. One will ask, does she deserves it? Answer is YES. Ask me today, ask me tomorrow, ask me next week, next month, next year and the answer will always remain as YES, always and forever.

I end this post with a song to share with you guys. The title is Waiting For You, by Anson Hu.

At last, the exam week is over. After a long and tiring battle with the exam paper, I can finally get the rest that is so ever needed. For your info, I am a guy who loves sleeping but for the past week, I have not been getting sufficient sleep. Maximum sleep that I had for a night in the past week is 5 hours if I am not mistaken. Sigh, I could still recall that one of the girls in college actually said that I was getting thinner and thinner and I think the insufficient sleep is the main culprit. Is that a good thing? Certainly not. LOL. Any thinner and I will be blown away by the winds...

Nevertheless, the end of exams means the beginning of the holidays. Some welcome it, others just don't know what to do with their holidays to a point where even some claimed that they will lose their sense of direction. Well, it doesn't make sense to me anyway. There are plenty of things to do for the holidays. And come on, haven't you guys forgot that you were complaining about being so tired handling all those assignments? Grab this opportunity to take some rest and maybe reflect back on the past. For those who are workaholics, you may grab this chance to gain some work experience and at the same time earn some extra cash...hehehe.

*** continue pt 2 ***

I noticed that I have changed a lot lately. Previously, I don't listen to chinese songs and needless to say, how would I even get addicted to it if I don't listen to them. Now, time has passed. Things have changed. I listen to chinese songs and I listen to the same song repeatedly for hours sometimes. Guess I am going nuts. I can't seem to figure out what was the reason that is causing this until... finally I think I got the answers.

Looking back in the past, once, there was this one individual that managed to change my perception about motorcycles. I was a very determined but stubborn guy in the past (and still is now) and I thought no one could ever easily change my perception or mindset. However, guess I wrong. That particular individual did manage to change my perception and attributing the same factor for this "addiction to chinese songs" problem, I am pretty sure someone has influenced me in some way in terms of my music and song selection.

Haiya, I am sure I don't have to mention who that someone is. Just take a guess and you already have the answer. No matter who that someone is; the change in my perception about motorcycles did not last long, maybe because that someone has become a chapter in my life. On the other hand, I feel that the change in my music and song selection will last long and even become permanent. Why? Maybe because this "someone" is not a chapter in my life. Maybe this "someone" is different. Maybe this "someone" is more important and significant...

Summary: there are TWO significant individuals in my life. One changed my perception about motorcycles, the other changed my view/perception about chinese songs. One shall remain as history, the other... is the present and I hope she will be the future. Anyway, hopes are just hopes and shall remain as hopes. As one of my ex-classmates did mention to me, if it is yours, you can't escape from it even if you want to...

I am not myself lately; LOL. Even my brother was shocked to find out that I am listening to chinese songs lately. As a matter of fact, I am addicted to chinese songs. Hmm... wondering what is causing this.

For those who know me, I don't speak chinese (mandarin and cantonese) neither do I understand them. So why am I listening to chinese song since I don't understand them? Well, chinese songs I listen to are those that fall under the emo songs category; LOL. To be honest, chinese songs are not that bad actually. Performers such as Wang Lee Hom is able to "give life" to his song and somehow, I feel kinda connected to his songs or at least one of them, Wei Yi or Only One. My comment for this song, how romantic can a man get??? Well, judge it yourself.



It will be best if you can check out the lyrics and understand them. I hereby dedicate this song to someone, my one and only...

Wang Lee Hom - The One and Only

My sky is so fresh and clean
The clear promise is the air of the past
The person holding my hand is you
But your smile; cannot be clearly seen

Was it because a star changed its heart's preference?
The wishes of the past; have all been thrown away
I can't breathe recently
Even my own shadows; I too want to escape

Baby you're my one and only
The two worlds have all changed shapes; it's not that easy to go back
Assurance; you're my one and only
I say I Love You alone to the phone; I really love you
Baby I cannot love you more than this

Was it because a star changed its heart's preference?
The wishes of the past; have all been thrown away
I can't breathe recently
Even my own shadows; I too want to escape (escape)

Baby you're my one and only
The two worlds have all changed shapes; it's not that easy to go back
Assurance; you're my one and only
I say I Love You alone to the phone; I really love you
Baby I cannot love you more than this

Actually, it has already passed the limit of love

Baby you're my one and only
The two worlds have all changed shapes; it's not that easy to go back
Assurance; you're my one and only
I say I Love You alone to the phone; I really love you

Baby I cannot love you more than this...

I don't even know why am I blogging now. Exam is just around the corner (in one week time) yet I am still in relaxation mode. Here I am, writing nonsense about myself. For God's sake, I should be studying now but something just bothers me. May I ask why must it happen now? Am I not worried about exam? The apparent answer is no. I am worried but then my mind gets distracted and there goes all my attention needed to revise for the upcoming exam.

Life is full of choices. We make up our mind and it is just too difficult for us to turn back and change our decision. Approximately 6 months ago, I went through what I may say the darkest moments of my life. I had no one to turn to, no one to lean on and worse, I lost my sense of direction. That very moment, I thought I learned my lesson. But I guess I was being too naive....

Once a while, you meet people in your life. While some may not have significant effects on your life, others create a whole lot of impact making them far more important that anyone else. Luck could be the only reason that explains why we meet them. For me, I couldn't be more thankful for I meet that someone when I was at the lowest point of my life. Nothing much has changed though. Perhaps fate decided that things weren't suppose to change at all. Anyhow, should I be glad that there was no changes? Frankly, I don't even have an answer myself...

Giving up was never easy. That was why it took me so long to let go in the past. Growing up in a somewhat discriminatory environment taught me that I have got to be tough and resilient and I thought I was tough and resilient. Nonetheless, these past few days proved me wrong. I didn't wanted to give up. I hold true to the saying "never say die". In fact, I have not given up. But giving in? What is giving in? Never have I encounter such words in this matter but who cares anyway. If giving up is gonna be tough, giving in is even tougher I guess.

What is the measure of love? Before that, what is love?, a frequently asked question by those who suffers from unrequited love. How do we measure one's love for another human being? Hmm... to anyone who has the answer, do share with me. If love is to be measured by the wealth you own, then what about those who were married in the kampungs and how do you explain why their marriage lasted so long. If it is to be measured by the things that is sacrificed for him/her, how do you explain love at first sight?

The most important question we have to constantly ask and remind ourself, what was it that made us fell in love with him/her. Smart people give reasons such as, 'oh, she is beautiful', 'she is smart' and lame excuses such as 'she was the one who was attracted to me first'. For those who are drowned in love, they places them above everything else, likened them to god and goddess. Back to the question, I don't even know why I fell in love with her. I guess you don't need a reason to love someone. There is just no reasoning in love... it is just not some math equation.

A statement I have to make here. It was not a competition neither it is now. It doesn't work that way, at least I believe so. There is no winner or loser. She is not the winning trophy. There is no first prize or consolation prize. Enough fighting and comparing. Comparison makes the whole effort seem fake, untrue and dishonest. Conclusion, I am done. I am done fighting, done struggling. Mind you though, this is not the end. Done fighting doesn't mean I gave up. Done struggling doesn't mean I give in.

This week is not going to be a very pleasurable week. To start the week with such an issue, it is the last thing any living person would ask for. Well, what goes around comes around. It was easy for me to say back then; to just ignore comments and other's opinion. Back then, I was not the victim. Now, it's a totally different story.

Well, I can't blame others for their curiosity. I, myself did contributed to this problem. Being a loud person, I don't really care if others may hear what I have just said. Nonetheless, this, my friends, is different. This does not only involve me as it also involves another individual. I am not seeking for fame nor am I looking for glory. I pray hard to control myself. I hope I will get through this issue alive. That's if they stop what they are doing now or it's going to be their funeral. The sight of those people, I may not be a big sized guy, I may not be a street fighter but nothing beats a guy whose heart is full of rage. I, myself don't even know what I am capable of... at least when I am angry.

Well, do I sound like the green beast a.k.a the Hulk, "you don't like me when I'm angry?" LOL. Anyway, there is a statement that I have to make. If I can respect you/anyone, I hope for nothing back in return except the same kind/amount of respect given to you/anyone. I would really appreciate it if anyone or any of you guys whom I recognize and acknowledge as friends to ask me personally if you are concerned or have an interest over matters about my life. I don't need free publisity in college (enough popularity, okay?) and I certainly don't need gossips and grapevines flowing around classes. This, I beg of you; if you don't respect me, the least you can do is to respect that other individual.

This, I have to stress. I AM NOT JOKING HERE neither am I making a FOOL out of myself. Don't push it. Don't cross the borderline. Don't exceed the limit. I can tell you, you are this close to making me lose control. That my friend is the limit that you should know. Again, I am asking you nicely to stop all the nonsense you are doing. If you have your personal agenda or if it's just for fun, well read this, "GO GET A LIFE".

Okay, done talking about college and people in college. Now, time to update you guys on my recent fishing trip this past weekend. THREADFIN. I think it's their season this time of the year. A few kilos everyday, for two days. Hehehe. Allow me to show you guys a pic of the biggest threadfin I caught recently. May not be big for you guys, but it is big enough for me. =D

A few kilos. Maybe 12 kilos. Hehehe...


Biggest threadfin for the day, weighing at 600+ grams and 16 inches in length.

"Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, but today is a gift. That is why it is called the present." Sounds familiar to you? Well it is one the lines in Kung Fu Panda as quoted by Master Oogway. Yesterday to me was fun. Well, I got to hang out with a few of my friends. Though it was only for a couple hours, it doesn't really matter. What matters most was that everyone did enjoy themselves. So they say emphasize on quality and not quantity, a statement which I TOTALLY agree with.

So what was the activity yesterday? The activity was nothing much but to go and pick up "cockroach"'s offer letter from one of the university in Australia recommended to her by an education advisor from StudyLink. As usual, after receiving the letter of offer, me being the typical CK who was damn "kaypo" posed a few question to the education advisor, on behalf of "cockroach". In my honest opinion, I didn't know what he was talking about as most of the time he was mumbling about how that university would provide good quality education. Okay, what is quality education? Is there any university out there, whether in UK, US or Australia that claims that they DON'T provide good quality education?

This has led to another argument/debate between me and the education advisor. Course fee and budget. Haven't you heard that you receive what you paid for and you pay for what you received. My point was, considering that you have already made such a big investment and commitment to a university, would you fork out at extra $5000 AUD just to get to a better uni? Yes , no doubt $5000 AUD is not a small amount in any sense, but I do believe you will spend that extra $5000 AUD just to enter to a more recognized uni. Then... to my surprise... he started to talk about food (I presume it's char koay teow), in Penang and KL. Penang char koay teow is much cheaper compared to those served in KL, but it taste much better. I was like "What the hell?, obviously you don't get me. There is something called "switching cost" and risk".

Come on, let's be a little mature. Will you regret if you have ordered a plate of char koay teow from KL that didn't taste as good as the ones in Penang? Yes you will. But can you order another plate of char koay teow prepared in Penang? Yes you can. However, can you do the same with a university? Can you simply change from one uni to the other? Yes but would you do it, considering you have probably spend THOUSANDS... not ringgits? What about the time lost? Money lost or wasted can be earned but can you recover back the time that you had wasted? To many things and too many factors are involved. Let us just don't look at the surface...

Nonetheless, he still doesn't want to give up. He claims that he can provide a double qualification with the cost of a single qualification from a good university. Sigh, guess I am a very difficult guy to please. Today is just not his day for having to "cross swords" with me. What is the point of a double qualification if it's not recognized or well-known. Isn't it dumb? Getting a degree and a master degree from an unknown, probably not so recognized uni doesn't make you any better compared to a degree holder from say Melbourne uni? Getting those two qualification doesn't make you any special for it only shows that you are a bookworm and that is if you manage to complete it. Let us not neglect the fact that besides being book-smart, we also have to be street-smart. Sigh, I just love to think too much... Anyway, it wasn't my problem also. It is "cockroach"'s problem.

Today is "about her"'s birthday. Happy Birthday. May all your wishes come true but hey, don't just hope but work hard for it okay? I hope luck shall always shine on you no matter where you are, where you are heading and in whatever you do and about to do. And best wishes in all your future plans. But I guess on the time that I am posting this, she is probably celebrating with a bunch of her friends. Anyway, I shall grab the chance to celebrate with her tonight. Wish me luck... =)

This is going to be a very short post.

Trip to Bukit Genting

Petrol: RM20.00
Food: RM100.00
Baskin Robbins: RM18.00

The 3 hours at Bukit Genting
[Fun]
The photos taken at Bukit Genting
[Precious]
The smile on everyone's face, Especially yours...
[PRICELESS]

| OVERWHELMED | Is there a better word to replace it? What about EXTREMELY OVERWHELMED? That is the feeling I had today, on my b'day, my 19th b'day. If there is anything that I will ever forget, today, October 30 2008, will be the last thing to go kaput from my mind. How do you express yourself? Being 19, your college friends, important to note that they are all young ladies, beautiful young ladies in fact, standing in front of your house gate, singing a b'day song, holding a cake, greeting you with a smile... and you on the other hand, had no such thought of celebrating your b'day at all, partly naked, trying your hardest to meet your assignment dateline. I am out of words actually. Speechless in fact...

How do you deal with such situation? To be honest, I am touched. Truly touched. It made me realize that having friends is the best thing you can ask for in life. All this while, I have to confess that my close to 2 years in college, I have never been in any "groups". I mix and befriend everyone in college which makes me feel that I don't belong anywhere. As a matter of fact, I feel lonely. Well tonight really changed my whole perception about my life. My plain and dull, can I say boring fashion/clothes I wear in college, its always a pair of jeans and a T-shirt that doesn't makes me stand out among the crowds. My nerdish look with that orange-colored frame spectacles, I am always perceived as a book worm, and again, plain, dull and boring. I have to thank God, for God's gift of knowledge to me was the only defense I have again such society. Well, I live my life my way... as always I was never a trend setter but neither was I a conformist to what is generally accepted.

I thank God tonight. This seldom and rarely happens to me. I wouldn't feel ashamed if I did say that I almost cried because the real fact is I almost cried. There is nothing wrong with a guy my age crying. Any guys who are not moved by such stunt, singing loudly in front of your house gate, wishing you Happy Birthday, I mean are they such people in this world? They must have a heart made of stone, they are probably too cool, icing cool in fact. I know I am being very expressive now, very emotional involved, but learn to accept this. This is the normal CK. A CK that talk nonsense all the time, and I would be lucky if you guys understand half the thing I wrote here.

I am very blessed. My b'day wish actually materialize. I actually did for once in my 19 years, celebrated my b'day with a group of friends. I enjoyed their company. And just for that little extra, those who planned it, I am amazed. To pull such trick on me, to actually try to make my day special, I will not hesitate if I have to take a bullet for them. Going back to those who did came and made my day special, that very person, in a green tee, you're simply amazing, truly mesmerizing, absolutely captivating and purely fascinating. You deserve it. In fact I did told one of my friend, when you were in the computer lab, I couldn't see anyone but you; you were there on a white shirt and that is even before I entered the lab. Okay, take it as joke but I am not blind. I can see things even though I need the help from a pair of spectacle. Say what you guys wanna say. I couldn't be bothered anymore.

Somehow, there is this deep feeling of regret in me. Why didn't I notice her earlier? Knowing that this could very well be my final b'day that we can celebrate together, I don't know how I can face that very day, the day she is leaving to pursuit her dreams. I am not a self-centred guy. I will never hold back someone, even if she means everything, even if she meant the world to me. That would never be called love. That is being unfair to everyone. Have you ever thought that if she has the same feeling? Does she wanna stay, obviously not. I mean I have no right to hold her back just because I couldn't get there. Sigh, I am ... I ... I admit, if you ever need to feel how does it feel like to love someone, you only need one girl and just once and it is more than enough for a lifetime and that very girl i meant, is definitely her. You will always have that very special place in my heart. Just so you know, if this is fake, then nothing is real.

Throwing such surprises for me tonight, I did once joke that I may suffer a heart attack and pass out. Well, seems like instead of me fainting, it has affected me emotionally and psychologically which leads me to blog about this. I am a changed man after tonight. Tonight, I made a vow, to always continue to be who I am, who I want to be, and to just stay original being CK. I don't have to change the way I talk, the way I socialize just to fit into the society. My friends showed me proof tonight. Anyway, fear not, for there is always tomorrow. Tomorrow, an adventure for four of my lucky friends, three friends and one which I regard as more than friend. I wouldn't know if you are reading this, but if you are, I do believe you know my feelings for you. And... a big surprise is heading your way to. So just be prepared......