I think I know human well. Yet, I have not seen the best... or the worst a human can be. Sounds familiar to you? Well, I have said this once and I am saying it again but there is a reason behind it. Last night, I encounter another scenario where I just don't understand guys or even girls. Human, they are the toughest subject one can study in this planet. I wonder what shapes them to act in such a way and not the other, which seems to me to be more preferable. Why oh why? Maybe I am just different from them since I am the only one who feels that way.

Coming back to the story, last night... I received a call from a friend asking me out to Coffee Island. Hmm... I was kinda (maybe I was) tired but yet I didn't know what made me agreed to go out late at night. Maybe she mentioned that someone was there, and the moment I heard that particular person's name, I just say YES. I don't know... I'm saying its maybe... so it could be... or probably it is. So reaching there, I went to another table first. In fact, I didn't really joined the people who asked me out. I was actually sitting with my other group of friends. And there is where the story begins...

We have this one guy, who thinks he knows it all and yet he never succeed. Let us call him A. Then we have this naive girl, who seems mature but she is not even close to that stage at all. Let us call her Z. Then we have the superstar, a guy who thinks that he is good and the fact is, he is good. He is X. You'd probably wonder what is X good in. Well, he is definitely good in something which I am a total noob. You go figure that out.

So they were playing cards and after awhile we got bored. Then we begin chatting. Interesting topic, me. How I fail? Why I fail? What should I do? and all those typical stuff one will advice his friend when it comes to matters concerning chasing after girls. Hmm... well, certain things they said is true. I can't never doubt nor judge that. It is a fact. Certain things that they suggested to me, that... I can do it but I just choose not to do it. At least I feel I am human not doing it. Come on, what X said was pretty clear-cut. It is all the girl's decision. You can chase after her, flood her with gifts and money, stick with her 24/7, sms and phone calls 24/7... but if she doesn't choose you, it means she doesn't choose you and that's it. Full stop...

The following scenario was the thing that caught my attention and interest. X. X receives a phone call. He receives a phone call from his girlfriend or female friend, that I am not too sure. So, first thing he said when he picked up the call was "hami ... .. .. ". The call continues. He provoked her asking her if she was sleeping with someone else. Call continues. Sigh... All the words uttered to the girl on the other side of the phone call was just unpleasant to the ear. And the fact that the person on the line is actually a female makes it much more difficult for me to accept it. X even asked her to be "screwed" by someone else. What the hell is wrong with this world?

Now that is the part to which I will relate to my first statement on this post. How could X just utter such words to a female friend? How could the female friend accepted to be treated in such a manner? Weird thing is... according to some friends... the girl is actually attached to him. What does that girl see in him? Why does she still has feeling for him? Phoof... I just don't get all these. X was still pretty arrogant. Z was quiet. A was showing me, CK... "nah.. look at him, look at the way he speaks to the girl on the phone... it doesn't matter... the girl still likes him". I was like, okay... that is his business, that is him and it has nothing to do with me at all. Anyway, what was A trying to prove to me? Talking nicely to girl won't get you a girl but uttering vulgarity to them will actually get you girl? Again, what the hell is wrong with this world...

To be honest I envy someone. Its not A, its not Z and certainly its not X. No way that I'll have something to envy about X. In fact its someone else. I envy him. He has all the opportunity. He can make a girl go melancholy over him. And yet he ain't that good nor perfect himself... but the girl just deserves better. But no. NOPE. The answer is just NOPE. He just refuses to respond. He just wanna fool around. Well, I am being very very nosy here. Perhaps I just should have mind my own business. But... sad to say... I just couldn't. Why? I think I will just remain silent. Maybe when the time is right, I don't have to say it... you guys will notice it.

*I envy someone*
Jealousy Kills

Whoa... its been quite sometime since I last blog about me going fishing. Hmm... actually, I went fishing quite a number of times, its just that I am too lazy to blog about it. I choose to blog about something else (blog about nonsense); LOL. Anyway, I went fishing for prawns and angling last sunday. Our mission on this trip is to find the red snapper.

Another 30 minutes or so boat ride pass Pantai Kerachut, and we started laying down our nets to catch some prawns for baits. Well, we sure did caught some prawns for baits and maybe a bit extra. Hahaha... tiger prawn or whatever prawns you wanna call them. They are huge. I think they originate from those aquaculture farms, probably ran out from the nets.

Okay that was the fishing for prawns part. Now, we proceed to the angling part. Well, we are not those high tech, all for show anglers with super duper fishing reels and rod. Hahaha... LOL... All we used was just a reel of fishing line. That's it, just handline. Well, I have to say... dad got all the good fish. I always get the lousy catfish and crocker. LOL. Anyway, just me and him. We both had fun.

RM30.00 of petrol
10 hours under the blazing hot sun
1 hour boat ride to and fro
A whole chill box of prawns
Some groupers, some baby grouper
Red snapper
Mission accomplished.

Grouper. Not too small, hahaha...
I will go for a bigger one next time (wish me luck)

Red snapper. This is kinda small, but... what to do... still "ang cho"
Mission accomplished.
Next time, God... I want a 3.5kilo red snapper. (wish me luck)

Tiger prawns.
Hey, nasi kandar is gonna charge you RM5 for one of these prawns.
I eat for free, err... maybe not.

Price to pay: I am getting darker and darker ...
Lesson learned: Who gives a damn about how dark I look. I love fishing...

This week's song is not a new song. Blue Eyes Blue by Eric Clapton. Very nice song, deep meaning. This one goes out to all my friends who are sad, devastated and heart-broken.

Blue Eyes Blue - Eric Clapton

I thought that youd be loving me.
I thought you were the one whod stay forever.
But now forevers come and gone
And Im still here alone.

cause you were only playing,
You were only playing with my heart.
I was never waiting,
I was never waiting for the tears to start.

It was you who put the clouds around me.
It was you who made the tears fall down.
It was you who broke my heart in pieces.
It was you, it was you who made my blue eyes blue.
Oh, I never should have trusted you.

I thought that Id be all you need.
In your eyes I thought I saw my heaven.
And now my heavens gone away
And Im out in the cold.

cause you had me believing,
You had me believing in a lie.
Guess I couldnt see it,
I guess I couldnt see it till I saw goodbye.

Chorus

cause you were only playing,
You were only playing with my heart.
I was never waiting,
I was never waiting for the tears to start.

It was you who put the clouds around me.
It was you.

Chorus

Oh, I never should have trusted you.
Oh, I never should have trusted you.
Oh, I never should have trusted you.

Chinese New Year...

What is Chinese New Year? To me, Chinese New Year is just another day. Well, Chinese New Year makes you spend more, eat more, talk more and maybe stuck in traffic more often. Hahaha. Don't you guys agree? Anyway, its a good time for those kids and teenagers to do some business. Angpow... oh yea... that is what kids and teenagers are on the lookout for. I think I managed to earn some, not much... anyway, I don't any right to complain so I shall just keep quiet and slowly spend the money.

Staying in Penang and the Chinese people being the majority in this island, all business seems to cease their operation up until today. Well, the bad economic outlook certainly doesn't worry them. When are they gonna resume their business operation? Sigh, what is so bad about it and why am even I talking about it? This is all because I wanna buy something. Its not that I can't buy it some other day. Its just that if I bought today(if the shop was open today), I don't have to pay a single cent for it; LOL. Haihz, gotta wait until my next opportunity to buy it. Nevermind, I shall be patient.

Money money money. I need more money. The underlying topic of this post is MONEY. Any sponsors? I need to buy a lot of things. Things for myself and for ... . Anyway ignore that. I shall work and earn money myself. Come on, I think I am able to sustain my own expenses. For the meantime, my target, top in my list... I wanna get an Airoh. Be it a TR1 or Mathisse RS, even a SV55-sport. I just want any of those mentioned in that list. Haihz... wondering when I will get it...

Happy Chinese New Year to everyone. Keong Hee Huat Chai... Gong Xi Fa Chai ... whatever la ... wahaha...

After visiting a few of my relatives, after being interrogated for hours..., looking and comparing myself to a few of my cousins... I wonder what should I do with my life. Seriously, I am facing a dilemma now. I don't know what I want to do in future. Cadet training? Degree? Major in ... ? Working? I don't know what to choose. I don't know how to choose. Which path shall bring me further? Which suits me best? Listen to my heart? Listen to my head? Argh...

The usual scenes during CNY, your aunts starts to brag about how good and successful their sons and daughters are doing certainly gives me a lot of pressure. It has nothing to do with my family members pressuring me. Its all me. My greed for success, my need and want for a companion... they are starting to drive me crazy. The only thing keeping me sane is I guess is songs and musics. Crazy right? People always say time heals all wound. For me, time just worsens it. Music to me heals all wound.

I guess I just have to learn to be more contented with life. Come on, in terms of academic achievement, I am not that far behind. I am not burdened with any financial problems. I am healthy. For God's sake, what more can I ask for? Well, human... there is always something to ask for. Wrong timing? No chemistry? Not meant to be...? Fate? Luck? Curse all that. Why me? Give me an answer and I accept those excuses without a noise.

I promised to share a new song by a new artiste with you guys every week. Sorry, this came kinda late (off schedule). Juwita Suwito - All this time

I knew you loved me
I chose to go
Knew that you would find me
But I pretended not to know
It wasn’t cos I was unhappy
It wasn’t cos I was blind
Or could I have been when I said

I’m gonna let the wind blow
Leave the past behind
The memories will do just fine
They’ll saturate in time
I’m gonna make it on my own
Make it on my own

I took the highway
Built on sand
I knew you’d be there for me
But I refused to hold your hand
The going’s good all around me
But deep inside I can’t find a reason to live without you

Can I let the wind blow?
Leave the past behind?
The memories may cloud my mind
I know I crossed the line
Should I just journey on alone
I can’t bear to find
The pain I caused you all this time
When I look in your eyes

I’m gonna let the wind blow
Leave the past behind
The memories will do just fine
They’ll saturate in time
Don’t have to make it all alone
Cos in your eyes I find
The tears that loved me all the time

All the time

I’m gonna let the wind blow
Leave the past behind
The memories will do just fine
They’ll saturate in time
Don’t have to make it all alone
Cos in your eyes I find
The tears that loved me all the time

You loved me all this time

I am the worst guy on Earth that you can find. What the hell is happening to me? It was something like "Oh... shit...". I was seriously crazy that night and I think I said something not too nice (okay... it was bad) to someone. For your info, that was the first time in my life that I uttered such words towards a female person. Okay, I was suppose to say "I am sorry" to her. Come on, I am a guy... but like I said, it was like "Oh... shit...". She called. How bad can that be? Well, not too bad la. We cleared things up and it seems like she was understanding. Good... I shall go on with life as if this never happened. Hahaha...

I am sitting here now in front of my laptop blogging at about 12:45 a.m midnight simply because I can't sleep. Seriously... I just can't sleep. What the FUCK is wrong with me? Arghh... to be honest, I am kinda concerned about one of my friend now who was admitted this morning. Man, she is seriously sick and probably suffering tremendous pain. She is required to go through an operation i think. I am worried about her. I wanna visit her. I must visit her. But... sigh... I am packed. I gotta work tomorrow from 9 am - 1pm and 2pm - 730pm. Anyway... get well soon. Sad to see you have "holes" in your body. Take it as a joke, you're punctured. Hehehehe....

This song goes out to her. Get Well Soon by The Perishers.

Get Well Soon - The Perishers

Promise to get well soon
To feel much better soon
when I come back in june
you'll still be around
get well soon

late november somethings wrong
you've kept it secret way too long
theres not much anyone can do
from here on in its up to you
I wish it wouldnt
but you know
the show goes on, I have to go

Promise to get well soon
To feel much better soon
when I come back in june
you'll still be around
get well soon

Can you feel it, is it true?
Is something gone inside of you
Wish there was something I could do
From here on in, its all to you
I dearly wish it wasnt so
But life goes on, I have to go..

Promise to get well soon
To feel much better soon
when I come back in june
you'll stillbe around
get well soon

You'll get well soon
Just get well soon

No hidden meaning here okay; just hope she'll recover soon. Ehh.. if you're reading this, think of all those angpows. They shall be your motivator. So get well soon. =)

Life. How should we live our lives? Who determines the paths in our lives? How can we know that the choices we made yesterday will affect us in some other way today, tomorrow and the days ahead of us. But sad to say, that is not the issue here. One question that always lingers on in my mind, why are we put through all those unnecessary dramas? Some dramas are sad enough to made you cry and you cry. Certain other dramas, though they are none of your concern, affects you and hurt you so badly that all you could do is be a lil' emphatic and cry together with her but that wouldn't help it either.

Seriously, last night was the last straw for me. I admit I was drunk last night. Not tipsy but drunk. Ask anyone that was with me that night (you go figure out). Try to ask them what I did and what I would have done. Though certain thing I did were not something that I am very proud of that I can boast with my friends, but I have to say... if you are reading this, and if you think its you... Tell me what can I do just to make you feel better, and I swear to God that if I am able to do that task for you, I wouldn't blink an eye, I wouldn't think twice and I'll definitely won't hesitate.

To be frank I'm starting to miss that cheerful character of yours and second to none is definitely your smile. I couldn't remember when was the last time I see you smile. Not a smile that is fake, burdened by that issue of yours. A pure smile is what I meant. Hey, I know that some people will be puzzled with what I am writing here. Well, if you wanna know more... just ask me la okay. Don't go create stories. I don't have the whole day to write all the details here and the last thing I need is some irresponsible guy who make wild guesses and start spreading rumors faster than he/she can spread bacteria.

Anyway, back to the story. For anyone who knows me well, they will know that I have a soft spot for girls that cry. Hey, I am born that way and I don't intend to change. Probably I am unable to change. Sigh... Back to last night... if I can use only one word to describe last night... it has got to be either mad(pissed off) or sad(down/emo). The moment I saw you cry, phoof... I just went phoof... I don't know how to say it here. I can't find the appropriate words. CK is outta words. Seriously, I feel your pain. But please promise me... that your tears will all dry up, promise me that you'll be strong and you won't waste a tear for such a useless good-for-nothing scumbag. Promise me that last night was the final night that you cry because of him. For God's sake, he is enjoying at the expense of your pain and suffering. But that is if you read this blog, and if you think its directed to you... its you lo.

Haihz... busy talking and showing concern about others while me myself is too tired to take notice of the things happening in my own life. Kepo is what they all say but sad to tell them that I just couldn't help it but to show concern. Again here, few friends of mine should know what I am talking about. They should know why I am kepo. They should know why I show concern. And I think I have to eat my words. The past is not always the history. Ehhh... I know I am going to get into trouble with my post here... but who gives damn about it. I am always asking for chances and I ask for only one chance now. I hope I didn't cross the line.

*fingers crossed*

Something to add here... a chinese song by the title of "unguessable"... an excerpt from the lyrics...

| If a sudden far, a sudden close escape
| is the freedom you want,
| then I rather go back to the life of being alone.
| If a sudden cold, a sudden hot warmth
| is your excuse,
| then I rather to have never been serious with you.

I wonder if I'm the one with a sudden far and a sudden close escape, I wonder if I'm the one that is cold at times and hot warmth at other times. Judging by last night, I think I will just take the blame. Anyway, when is CK not at fault... never... CK is guilty...