I had a presentation today. It's for the subject of Data and Computer Communication. Hmm... it went on pretty well; I mean my group presented quite well. Anyway, I think I owe my group members an apology for being a control and power freak... taking control of the presentation most of the time. Sorry. Guess I was too much, am always pursuing perfection.

I submit to my defeat. My group presented quite well but it was not the best. There was another group who did better than us but I think I am satisfied and contented with our achievement. Hmm... some people was posing a lot of questions to me, I admit I was panic but I managed to conceal it. Hehehe... But I respect her. She was taking charge of her group, leading them pretty well... a girl full of caliber I should say.

Fate. Hahaha... that is why they say, "mess with the best, die like the rest". I did not show any interest on any of the presentation presented today except one. I did not pose any question to any group except one. Hmm... why that one group? Mix with the wrong person, and sad to say you are going to be affected as well. To the last group, to 4 ladies... no hard feelings but I wasn't going against you guys. Its just one girl there. Hmm... Hahahaha... She did nothing, she didn't step on my tail, she just... haiya, she deserves it. Mind you, I can be silent as a lamb in a presentation, but once I open up my mouth and start posing questions, I will make sure that you are unable to answer it. Full stop.

2 more weeks before the end of a semester and what a semester it is. Had lots of fun, learned lots of things,... definitely lots of conflicts... but nothing beats the joy of doing well for the subjects. I hope I am able to maintain my academic performance... need to achieve a 4.0 this sem. I must and I will... wish me luck

Keri Hilson's song by the title of "Energy" tops my list for this week. This is the song for the week. Enjoy.

CK, the one who has it all but nothing at all. Judging by my first line, you'd probably guess it out that this is going to be yet another emo post by CK. Well, you guessed right. To be honest, I shouldn't be at home, online and blogging now. I was suppose to be out with a group of my friends. The initial plan was to get ourselves a bottle of liquor and probably get drunk before midnight. LOL. Anyway, I think you'd know by now that I didn't follow them. I confess, I wanted to go and I actually drove to college(how often do I drive), and I actually brought along my chillbox inside the trunk but a split second was all it took for me to change my mind.

So what was it that actually change my mind? Why did I change my mind? I don't think I would want to answer the questions here. All I can say is, I may "seem" happy at times, but I am definitely not near happy at all. Why did I laughed and joked about that matter? You'd probably mistaken me and thought that I feel that it was fun. Well, it's not fun to me. I thought that it would have created at least the slightest provocation but sad to say, I am wrong yet again. You were neutral maybe positive and happy. Hmm... I am out of words, I don't know what to say anymore.

CK, the one who has it all yet none to share with. Do you know what I feel? Well, the best things in life are free and the best things in life are definitely meant to be shared. I mean come on, you can't live a life being so self-centred and stingy. Back to me. I have a house to stay in, I have a car to drive, I have 3 motorcycles and I am definitely not in debt. I have sufficient cash to sustain my expenses, sufficient attention from my family members and definitely all the unnecessary attention I get from college. Wait. Something is not right. Something is missing from this ideal, close to perfect picture. What is it that I don't have? What is missing from my life? Geez... I am a very complicated guy. Blogging about something so deep, something a typical 20 years old teenager would never understand or thought of. Guess what, I am a weirdo.

Sigh, sigh, sigh... that is what I can do. I showed my interest, I place forward my intention... and what is the last thing that I would expect from you is a cool treatment. Whoa... is there a need? I have done nothing wrong okay. It's starting to get really really weird. Anyhow, I choose to ignore it. Typical CK, the great pretender... did anything happened? NO. If your response is negative, I would understand and respect you. No worries here. But seriously, one question that I don't even have the answer to. How sure are you things wouldn't work out? I am not sure myself that things will work out. God knows...

Sorry to say this to someone.
If what my friend told me is true,
If what we guessed prove to be genuine,
Then sorry is all I can say to you.
I don't know what is it that you see in me but whatever it is,
I do hope that the other two sees it.
If there's one whom I am so crazy about, its the other.
If there's one whom I so not over with, its another.
I am not perfect.
I fail to see that...
I may be choosing, but so are others.
I may make people as options but me myself is an option.
If there is one advice that I could still remember from one of my true friends...

"DON'T PRIORITIZE THOSE WHO TREATS YOU AS AN OPTION"

Hey guys... what day is today...? Well, it's Valentine's day. LOL. Sad to say this, but to all singles on Valentine's day out there, it is the end of the world lo.... hahahaha... Just joking. Nah, all hopes are not lost yet. No point rushing into a relationship if there is not gonna be any outcome. Take your time, an advice for myself too...

So the song the week and today being Valentine's day, it has got to be a love song la... hahaha. Not an emo song. The title is "I finally found someone" by Bryan Adams and Barbra Streisand. This song goes out to all the happy couples enjoying candlelight dinner as I blog now. Happy Valentine's day everyone.

I finally found someone, who knocks me off my feet,
I finally found the one, who makes me feel complete.

It started over coffee,
We started off as friends,
Its funny how from simple things,
The best things begin.

This time its different, (nah nah nah nah)
Its all because of you, (nah nah nah nah)
Its better than its ever been,
Cause we can talk it through...

My favorite line,
Was can i call you sometime?
Its all you had to say,
To take my breath away.

Chorus:

This is it,
Oh i finally found someone,
Someone to share my life, i finally found the one,
To be with everynight
Cause whatever i do, its just got to be you
My life has just begun, i finally found someone

Did i keep you waiting? i didn't mind.
I apologize. Baby thats fine.
I will wait forever just to know you were mine.
You know i love your hair, are you sure it looks right?
I love what you wear, isnt it too tight?
Your exceptional, i cant wait for the rest of my life...

Repeat Chorus

Cause whatever i do, its just got to be you
Oh my life has just begun...i finally found...someone.

Exam week has come and gone. Pass or fail, the verdict is still yet to be known. I for one will wait anxiously to know what my result is. I am interested to know how well (or how bad) I did for the exam. For the meantime, I shall be optimistic...

Tiring...

Exam week. Yet again, I am shown the bad side of human. This time, I saw how self centered and stingy one can be. Maybe I am on the demanding side instead of the providing side. A change of roles? Could be. I don't know. All I know is that its been continuous for 38 hours since I last slept. Why? Don't and never ask why. I don't know.

Sigh...

Like a moth to a flame, thus hath the candle sing'd the moath. I am irresistibly and dangerously attracted to something or someone.

Argh!!!!!

This song reflects on my life in college. My story can't be more accurately told except listening to this song and understanding its lyrics.



xiang yong yi bei latte ba ni guan zui
Felt like making you drunk with a cup of latte
hao rang ni neng duo ai wo yi dian
To make you love me a bit more
an lian de zi wei
The taste of unrequited love
ni bu dong zhe zhong gan jue
You won’t understand this feeling
zao you ren pei de ni yong yuan bu hui
From the beginning there’s already someone with you
kan jian ni he ta zai wo mian qian
Seeing you and him in front of me
zheng ming wo de ai zhi shi yu mei
Proved that my love is only ignorant
ni bu dong wo de na xie qiao cui
You don’t understand my sorrow
shi ni yong yuan bu ceng guo de ti hui
It’s something you will never experience
wei ni fu chu na zhong shang xin ni yong yuan bu liao jie
The pain that I go through for you you’ll never understand
wo you he ku mian qiang zi ji ai shang ni de yi qie
Why should I force myself to love everything about you
ni you hen hen bi tui wo de fang bei
While you persistently compel my defence
jing jing guan shang men lai mo shu wo de lei
Silently counting my own tears behind closed doors
ming zhi dao rang ni li kai ta de shi jie bu ke neng hui
I actually knew that making you leave his world would be impossible
wo hai sha sha deng dao qi ji chu xian de na yi tian
But I am still waiting foolishly for a miracle to appear one day
zhi dao na yi tian ni hui fa xian
Until that day you’ll realize
zhen zheng ai ni de ren du zi shou zhe shang bei
The one who really loved you suffered alone

kan jian ni he ta zai wo mian qian
Seeing you and him in front of me
zheng ming wo de ai zhi shi yu mei
Proved that my love is only ignorant
ni bu dong wo de na xie qiao cui
You don’t understand my sorrow
shi ni yong yuan bu ceng guo de ti hui
It’s something you will never experience
ming zhi dao rang ni li kai ta de shi jie bu ke neng hui
I actually knew that making you leave his world would be impossible
wo hai sha sha deng dao qi ji chu xian de na yi tian
But I am still waiting foolishly for a miracle to appear one day
zhi dao na yi tian ni hui fa xian
Until that day you’ll realize
zhen zheng ai ni de ren du zi shou zhe shang bei
The one who really loved you suffered alone
ceng jing wo yi wei wo zi ji hui hou hui
I thought I would regret
bu xiang ai de tai duo chi xin jue dui
Don’t wanna love too deep,surely infatuated
wei ni luo di yi di lei
The first tear that fell for you
wei ni zuo ren he gai bian
The changes in myself that are made for you
ye huan bu hui ni dui wo de jian jue
Can’t call back your firmness towards me

wei ni fu chu na zhong shang xin ni yong yuan bu liao jie
The pain that I go through for you you’ll never understand
wo you he ku mian qiang zi ji ai shang ni de yi qie
Why should I force myself to love everything about you
ni you hen hen bi tui wo de fang bei
While you persistently compel my defence
jing jing guan shang men lai mo shu wo de lei
Silently counting my own tears behind closed doors
ming zhi dao rang ni li kai ta de shi jie bu ke neng hui
I actually knew that making you leave his world would be impossible
wo hai sha sha deng dao qi ji chu xian de na yi tian
But I am still waiting foolishly for a miracle to appear one day
zhi dao na yi tian ni hui fa xian
Until that day you’ll realize
zhen zheng ai ni de ren du zi shou zhe shang bei
The one who really loved you suffered alone
zhi dao na yi tian ni hui fa xian
Until that day you’ll realize
zhen zheng ai ni de ren du zi shou zhe shang bei
The one who really loved you suffered alone

I just learnt the best lesson in life that I think I won't forget for the rest of my life. What is the most dangerous and sabotaging thing that you can do to yourself? You'll probably think cutting your own wrist, drinking poison or maybe just dash out into the middle of a busy street. Guess what? You're wrong. The most dangerous and sabotaging thing you can do to yourself is being curious and you start to ask the question "why". Now I understand the reason why people refuses to ask questions even if they don't know, even if they are left in the dark. I think they feel that it is best to be left in the dark. Sometimes, asking the question "why" gives you the ugliest, hard to swallow fact that you either can't face or choose to avoid.

Well, how does it feel like to give up even before you try? At least if you tried, you tasted the bitterness ... then you give up. And now, being slap with facts... you are left with no options but to either forget trying or fail in trying. Well, I think I've had enough. Enough failures in life. I am not sure if I can take another blow. I will just blame it on luck, fate and TIMING. Exactly like those words mentioned in the lyrics from the song by Whitney Houston and George Michael, "If you think that we'll lose what we have, Then I'd just rather stay (rather stay) the same". The gamble is just too big for me. As usual, I am in over my head.

Just so you know, if I had chosen to proceed trying... I wouldn't at all mind sacrificing my all for you. I don't care what it takes; let's keep it short and simple... I will try my best and persevere to gain your love at all cost. But knowing what the result might be, knowing how you would respond and react, it just scares me to think of all these. I don't want my sacrifices to be worthless. Enough. All this time, my efforts just go un-notice. Enough. I can't take it anymore. Here, if you knew that no matter how hard you try, how bad you want it to happen... you'll just end up being that small unsignificant guy in her heart... then would you even try? Would you even bother to try? I think I have been stupid countless of times; I am a good guy... but I am just not that noble or stupid to try.

A new song for this week. Its performed by DSDS (Deutschland sucht den Superstar). The title of the song, Cry On My Shoulder. At first, this song was suppose to be dedicated to her. What irony... I will just self dedicate this to myself. I think I will need it more than she does.